So many Welsh people have left Wales to escape the rain, long place names and speed cameras that the Welsh government is having to train conscripts from Yorkshire and China. Thousands of depressing green anoraks have been imported from India and misery classes are being held at Y Borth, of "Raised peat mire" fame.
Beligerence training is being carried out st church halls all over the country. "We are trying to make less boring Welshmen too. The women are no problem, I mean look at Catherine Zeta Jones! We are getting rid of Eisteddfods and other pompous rubbish to bring Wales out of the Stone Age at the same time. We have a beautiful country here full of water related features and even an airport somewhere.
It has become necessary to make it compulsory for Welsh people to stay in the country for fifty years, but this will not apply to the new Welsh people who will be on five year contracts with penalty clauses" said the Welsh government this morning.