London, UK - Royal benefits scrounger Kate Middleton was airlifted to the London Trichology Climic for Balding Old Hos this morning after most of the synthetic tresses on her head dropped off following a disastrous birthday scalp massage from Nanny Windsor.
"It's completely put the kibosh up Kate's 69th plans," palace flunkie Gerry McCondom said to reporters as news of the tragedy hit Brits' evening news.
Up to 200lbs of treated genuine Brazilian-ed hair was seen shrivelled up on the Kensington Palace in-house salon floor, revealing a secret 'Fuck The Proles' tattoo on the little minx's ruined scalp.
Middleton had been spending her birthday with five month old brat Prince George Bush after separating from husband Prince William.
The pretender to the throne's official heir has opted for a 10 week sabbatical 'learning about cows, and other farmyard stuff' at Cambridge University Agricultural College rather than tend to his screaming brat son.
Friends of the couple say Kate's tired long ringlet look had been a serious bone of contention in the matrimonial bed after strands of falsies kept dropping off during the night each time she turned over.
It could be several daze before suitable replacements are harvested from the had of some poor foreign girl who has to sell her tresses to escape poverty.
A 25-inch bundle of brunette curls retails at around two thousand squid.