Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 3 January 2014

image for Kim Jong Un Reveals His 2014 New Year's Resolution
Kim Jong Un celebrated the new year with his wife, BFF Dennis Rodman, and 4,000 of his closest friends.

PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korean leader Kim Jong Un rang in the new year with a bang (no pun intended) as he spoke to the people of North Korea via an Anderson Cooper-Kathy Griffin New Year's Eve type television show.

Kim Jong Un first thanked his countrymen for helping to make North Korea the most popular nation in the entire world.

He then said that he is proud of the fact that North Korea is still number one in the production of rice, Hyundai's, Velcro, counterfeit Barbie Dolls, and chopsticks.

Kim Jong Un then turned to a more serious tone and said that he is grateful for his new found friend, ex-NBA player Dennis Rodman.

He paused for a moment and said that Rodman has provided him with lots of very helpful information about the land known as the United States.

The North Korean leader then said that he wanted to share his New Year's resolution with all of his wonderful fellow countrymen.

Kim Jong Un said that after much consideration he has decided that his 2014 New Year's resolution will be to make more missile threats.

He stressed that he wants to keep the nations of the world on their tippy toes (his words).

SIDENOTE: Kim Jong Un later revealed to his closest friends that his second New Year's resolution is to cut down on his carb intake.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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