London, UK - Using the highly dubious excuse of having to return to school to learn about farming and udder mucky stuff Prince William will be legging it from the matrimonial home this weekend for a bit of man time at agricultural college.
Courtiers reckon that tensions at the couple's home came to the boil on New Year's Eve when William and Kate's ginger-haired brat accidentally swallowed a condom from the the bathroom waste paper basket and had to be taken to the Emergency Room.
Teething problems, chronic wind and Olympic-grade projectile vomiting skills had already seen young Prince George Bush drive his parents even more bonkers than government psychiatrists assess them to be.
Then there was that dreadful business over Christmas Day Lunch at Sandringham
Castle when someone showed Her Maj the Queen one of Kate's explicit breast-feeding selfies that had been accidentally posted on the RoyalScrubbersAnonymous.con website.
It then all got a bit much for daft chump William when Prince Philip noticed a 'malodorous pong' emanating from the infant's diaper and promptly ordered the baby's father to 'go change that horrible shit'.
So it's off to the First Hellfire Academy of Agricultural Science on Sunday where ten weeks' intensive study will see William hunker down in farmyard manure like the old muck spreader he really is.
Kate meanwhile will be slumming in the couple's 25-room grace and favor Palace apartment playing Home Alone with the brat - and their 50 servants.