Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 29 December 2013

image for Taxman slaps royal scroungers William and Kate with backdated £1million bill
Who you calling a scrounger?

London, UK - Feckless gold-digger Kate Middleton and her idler spouse Prince William have been hit with a backdated £1million bill following an orgy of taxpayer handouts nodded through by Prince Charles.

The bill covers more than three years of the preposterous pair's spending bankrolled by a series of off-balance sheet Palace transactions between so-called royal charities.

These are meant to cover the couple's daily 'essentials' and other stuff - such as Rolls Royce hire and helicopter leasing for myriad shopping mall trips, the annual £1million Kensington Palace apartment rent and funding of dozens of freebie holidays.

Figures seen by QM-NewsCorpse reporters show Kate's yearly grooming bill for Botox, liposuction, hair extensions, hair dye and cosmetic dentistry is nudging £500,000 while William's unpaid online gambling debts are nearly double that amount.

Clothing and jewellery expenditure by the couple has soared to £1million+ while new brat Prince George's personal needs now top over £25,000 per month.

Commenting on whether the royal benefit scrounges are ever likely to cough up their dues a tax orifice source hinted today about the imminent return of debtors' prisons and/or the imposition of mandatory unpaid community work:

"Right rotten pair of freeloaders, these two," Inland Revenue inspector of taxes Kevin 'Gotcha' Snarkey said.

The Queen Mother's jewels have long since been pawned.

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