Written by CaptainSausage
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Saturday, 28 December 2013

image for Russian women win right to watch bear-baiting
This bear announced the news on Russia's main news agency for bears

After a series of protests, ladies in Russia are finally allowed to watch bear-baiting competitions. It is seen as a breakthrough for women's rights in the country.

A spokesman for feminist protest group FemBear, Maria Tittichenko said while wearing a bear costume, "After months of us protesting bear-breasted outside embassies in Moscow, the government have finally listened to us. This is a historic and important step towards a more fair and equal society."

President Vladimir Putin is said to have personally made the decision to improve Russia's international reputation, which was being adversely affected by the embarrassing protests. "I can bearly believe I'd see this day," he said, sitting down with his wife in the first class box at Moscow's premier bear-pit.

However, animal rights protesters were not so enthusiastic about the news. Head of bear rights group Bear Necessities, Yulia Veganov, said that justice would never be done until bears were able to join the human boxing circuit. She was campaigning for a bear to compete with famous Russian street fighter Zangief, with a prize of 10 million roubles (about £180,000).

Veganov explained, "We demand equality for animals. We cannot pretend we are a modern European country until we allow humans and bears to fight together on equal terms. And of course bears should be able to watch the matches too, including the female ones."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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