Yesterday, with a nine percent approval rating as the "worst Congress in history," current members proceeded to their annual celebration somewhere in the Arizona desert.
All did not end well, however, as Senator Reid explained, staring gravely into the southwestern US wasteland.
With most members fleeing and disappearing, Mr. Reid indicated special new elections would be required and "a completely new Congress."
Another member who stood fast--Senator McCain (who had loaned his private collection of esoteric piranha fish to help decorate the proceedings)--offered a dark warning that the celebration had been "sabotaged" by "rebel elements" from US society.
The Congress's annual celebration had been underway nicely with balloons and mistletoe and a (Caucasian) Santa Claus handing out cigars.
An afternoon address had been delivered by Senators Schumer and Menendez titled, "With apologies and gratitude to President George W. Bush: War with Iran Is Good for the Economy!"
Good spirits and champagne flowed merrily as the group moved to its "faction tables." These tables were designed for specific discussion purposes around the steak and lobster, with members invited to switch about among tables as they wished.
Examples of faction tables-
*the block everything Obama table
*the Obama consistency amidst inconsistency table
*the suspend government permanently table
*the keep women barefoot and pregnant table
*the pure and righteous NSA table
*the devil is in the NSA details table
*the end unemployment benefits now and forever table
*the increase the 900 billion a year budget for the military table
*the we should be fighting alongside the jihadist militias in Syria table
These tables were served by wait personnel, many now under arrest, and who have been accused of abandoning their black tuxedo garb for more sinister clothing worn underneath.
Following dinner the crisis intensified at the same time desert surroundings dimmed into sunset and purple haze.
The jewel of the evening was to be a movie titled "Zero Dark Thirty on the White House Lawn," the story of how a small brave group of Congressional personnel got wind of an attack on the West Wing and thwarted it using fire hoses and rubber mallets.
However this movie did not show. Somehow it was switched to a ghastly zombie portrayal of unemployed and homeless people leaning into the camera and holding signs reading Desperate. Help. Homeless. Need Food. Jobs!! Benefits!
With members of Congress gasping at this outrage--plus some say their champagne had been tampered with--wait personnel at their elbows suddenly manifested as the same type of zombie beggars! Skeletal and green!
Tables were overturned and chairs dashed sideways in the panic to flee through resort windows into desert darkness.
Replacement elections are now in the planning stage.