Written by Wire Piddle
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Wednesday, 18 December 2013

image for Mayor Rob Ford Exposed As Jamaican Rastafarian Drug Kingpin At City Hall Christmas Party
Distraught Toronto City Hall Elf

TORONTO, Canada - Rob Ford, Mayor of Toronto, was exposed by undercover detectives as a Jamaican drug kingpin who was thought to have died in a narc plane crash several years ago. The discovery was unhatched during a Christmas party at City Hall which featured a rather uncoordinated mayor dancing to the tunes of Bob Marley.

When the police descended on the party, several council members had noted that the mayor smelled of ganja and the odor of jerk chicken emanated from his office microwave.

"Me nawt want ta' stap dis party, mun.' said the Mayor as police handcuffed him and led him out of the council chamber.

"Bwoy ya' tink yah can get away wid dis', mun. I'm dee Mayor of dees city. Eet ees an abamanachon wat you tryin' to do 'eer!"

As he was escorted away onto the concrete parkette fronting city hall, a helicopter was seen to land and a crew of men outfitted in black seized the mayor from the detectives and threw him into the back as it lifted off again.

It was unclear whether the helicopter contained a team of crack secret guards belonging to either a) a Columbian cocaine dealer, b)a local t.v. news station or c) The Conservative Party of Canada, all of whom would have a stake in seeing the Mayor stay in office.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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