Nelson Mandela is to be buried in 365 separate "portions" to enable well wishers to each have a chance to attend his sell-out funerals. Advertising slots for the year long T.V. funeral coverage have been fully booked since before he died. Merchandising rights still owned by Winifred Mandula have grossed 500 billion dollars.
In case viewers think the funeral episodes are repeats, the word repeat will be subliminally flashed on genuine repeat programs. All normal T.V. programs have been cancelled for a year. Opportunistic "C" list celebrities may book camera time for laying flowers and weeping. Conspiracy theorists and ghost writers have been issued with a special 24 hour number to call.