VATICAN CITY - Okay, so where was I?
Oh yeah, Pope Francis' new and improved document of the moment, Evangelii Gaudium, (The Boy Oh Boy Joy of the Gospel).
In other words, that's right, number 2 on his go-to hit list of officially sanctioned major teaching documents.
And, as such, the first one actually composed by him (and his weekend staff of necessary backroom advisors) since the previous round about papal-inspired chain letter, of sorts, "The Light & Near Dark Dusk of Faith," put into circulation in July, was penciled and penned almost entirely by Pope Benedict XVI weeks before he resigned in disgrace following an otherwise reckless display of way too much after hours celebrating in Las Vegas with knucklehead comedic actor Andy Dick. During which time someone - either Pope Ben or Mr. Dick - was allegedly behind the wheel of the Popemobile when it was driven into the MGM Grand Casino pool, several hours after the completion of the Floyd Mayweather, Jr. - Miguel Cotto WBA Super Light Middleweight title fight in May 2012.
"Pope Francis reportedly wrote the balance, including main gist, of his document in July and August of this year, during the Vatican's traditional summer lull of nothing more complicated than hours of unsupervised horse play, between meal snacks followed by a noticeable absence of properly administered flossing, and back at the fort reenactments of assorted episodes from the first and second seasons of "Curb Your Enthusiasm", said Vatican spokesman/mutton wrangler, Rev. Federico Lombardoozie.
"If I'm not mistaken," Rev. Lombardoozie continued, thereby doing what he could to reassure anyone among the Vatican press crew not yet seriously contemplating means in which to fake their own death, "Francis' thought provoking concerns were, and still are, rumored to be laced - unlike the commonly mismatched trousers of far too many of his theological-driven contemporaries, but that's another story - all throughout. Consequently, the religious-based historical citations herein/therein leave no room with a view doubt about his own bulletproof points of preference and subsequent laundry list of soup to nuts priorities."
Including perhaps a not exactly well thought out daring attempt to re-write the Ten Commandments and still leave room for pre-selective inclusion of a provision that would allow both mob and politically inspired hits. Providing, of course, all the paperwork is properly completed and handing in on time.
Popes John XXIII and Paul VI, who each ran roughshod, and, surprisingly enough, the bulls of Pamplona during the 1990s, while presiding (when not kicking you no what and taking names) over the Second Vatican Council - which, according to a hung out to dry jury of the Pope's all along for the slide peers, is exactly what ultimately helped drag the church into what was, at that the time, sitting in for the modern world - are cited repeatedly.
As is, and/or was, if only just because, semi-legendary "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In" cuckoobird, the late Alan Sues apparently kept in touch with Team Vatican way after human laugh riot Paul Lynde checked out when he did by exiting, stage left, with no apparent forward address.
And, in a first, record shattering precedent for such a thrown against the wall apostolic exhortation (as this particular brand of semi-carefully worded papal pronouncement is often called mistakenly by those hoping to reach their favorite radio station in time to request "Debaser" by the Pixies) Francis acknowledged an assortment of documents covering what had to get up to get down at various bishops' conferences all around the here to there, next stop wherever world.
Which, in the end, before it actually gets here, clearly seems to indicate the high and mighty importance he places in giving the localized (with a chance of mis-information) church a much greater see & say in church governance (in stereo, where available), decision-making (all in past due time), and/or, whether or not anyone all along the way wants fries with whatever it is that's still for here or to go."
To be continued, again. And/or, if and when, say when. As opposed to right about now (and how.)