Written by Auntie Matter
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Friday, 15 November 2013

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Papal explosion.

The Pope's plane is reported to have been shot down over Kabul as it prepared to land. There were no survivors of the missile attack.

Ex-British Prime Minister Tony Blair was a guest on board after receiving his Papal Knighthood just the day before at a private ceremony in a crypt underneath the Vatican. His wife Cherie is said to be shell-shocked with relief at not having been at his side when the missile struck.

Ex-Pope Ratzinger, currently in hiding in a Nazi bunker in Berlin until the rumor of his pedophile activities has been globally stifled, may be recalled to office sooner than he expected.

The late Pope Francis was scheduled to visit Afghanistan to preach against the evils of opium and to give advice to some fellow Jesuits who are helping run the industry with help from the CIA. Barack O'Bama has since cancelled his scheduled visit to the capital.

Obama has also stepped up security around the White House and has called Cheney, Kissinger and the Clintons to to an emergency Tarot Card reading in the oval office. White House kitchen wine taster Justin Imbiber said that a goat or two would likely be sacrificed to Lucifer around midnight accompanied by loud incantations from the Harry Potter series.

Afghan opium production has risen this year by 36% to 200,000 hectares yielding a half millon tonnes of opium in the billion dollar industry. Biggest customer is the US.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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