Written by Jessica Fishman
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Topics: Israel, Jewish, Rabbinate

Sunday, 10 November 2013

image for Women Wearing Tallitot Turn Men Gay

The Israeli ultra-Orthodox Rabbinate has released its newest ruling that states that women wearing Tallitot or Tefillin turn men gay, specifically ultra-Orthodox men.

"We have gender roles to ensure that each of us knows how we should act and interact with one another. Women taking on male roles leads to an utter breakdown of society and its rules," stated Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi David Lau. "If we don't have well-defined roles who knows what could happen next - men might start having babies!"

In order to prevent the entire male ultra-Orthodox population from turning gay, Rabbis have instructed all men to attack any woman wearing a Tallit or Tefillin - because being violent is better than being gay.

This ruling aligns with many other ultra-Orthodox rulings that force women to change their behavior to protect men's purity and dignity, such as women being forbidden to sing in public, their images being banned from the public sphere, and them being forced to dress modestly.

Rabbi Lau was quick to note that unlike in Saudi Arabia, Jewish women are allowed to drive. In addition, Rabbi Lau wanted to make it clear that women are still allowed to work so that their husbands can continue to study in yeshivas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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