Under a siege of critical response regarding massive NSA surveillance of more than 35 world leaders, including US allies, Washington leaders are braced and defensive, none more so than GOP Representative Peter King.
A spokesperson for Mr. King (who resembles him strongly) reiterated Mr. King's point that other countries should be grateful, very grateful, that America is spying on them secretly for their own good.
America's spy programs exist here, there, and everywhere--and are expanding.
These programs keep the world safe. Why? A watchful eye, according to Mr. King's spokesperson, is like a big buddy with his arm around your shoulders and his eye on your every move.
Is not America today the Deus omnia momenti (the God of everything important) of the globe?
Mr. King's spokesperson leaned forward with furrowing brows to ask this question, looking very grim.
Moreover, and Mr. King is in a leadership position on this, it is now theorized by Mr. Clapper and General Alexander that merely bugging cell phones and computers, plus satellite observation, does not go far enough.
Not nearly far enough.
Newly conceived, special invasive implant monitoring devices and teams--focused on recalcitrant world leaders protesting Americans spying on them--are in the works.
Senator Feinstein and President Obama will no longer need to apologize for looking up, down, sideways, and through every vocal inflection of such leaders as Chancelor Merkel of Germany and President Dilma Rouseff of Brazil.
That is because development of even more sly and secretive techniques, known as invasive implant monitoring (IIM), is taking place.
According to Mr. King's spokesperson, a hair on a plaster wall could be a secretly placed listening and optical device, devouring all in its sweep.
Such is the innovatory brilliance of the NSA's "snoop and gather" ops, led by invasive implant monitoring teams.
Subjects surveiled will require bugging implants in various settings (bedroom, bathroom, vehicle, dining facility, etc. Garbage cans will not be excluded).
To do these implants surveillance invasion teams will be called to the mission.
Similar to the Navy Seals in the Bin Laden takedown (with delicate fingers however), these teams will sneak and slither through the shadows of world leadership residences, in the deepest darkest part of night.
Devices as small as the head of a thumb tack, a silver hair on the wall, a stain on a kitchen utensil, a deodorizer in the bathroom, a tiny spider in the shower stall--such is the stuff NSA dreams are made of.
These types of devices are currently being conceived and plotted at America's leading universities to advance this IIM (or invasive implant monitoring) NSA program
Mr. King's spokesperson indicated the Representative King team is proud of all these developments. Also, Mr. King himself is very interested in IIM training.
That is, he will soon face an election year and could be out of a job.
"He likes sneaking around for the powerful," according to his spokesperson. "And who knows? He may need a second career."