Written by Talking Tic-Tacs
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Friday, 25 October 2013

image for US planning Surgical Strikes on Angela Merkel's face
Capitolism Hill. US Threatened by German efficiency

After their recent heroic depositions of evil tyrants Saddam Hussein and Colonel Gaddafi as well as Osama Bin Laden, our World Police Force are now turning their attention to the menacing spectre that is - Angela Merkel.

The German 'Chancellor', or 'neo--fuhrer' in translation, has been revealed to have been spied upon by Global Security Agency US4, or A.

American intelligence is understood to have been monitoring Merkel's phone calls as suspicions about her complete lack of suspiciousness grew.

A White House insider outside the White House commented, ""Merkel, she's very unassuming, understated, studious and not threatening at all yet she wields so much power and respect. This is very foreign to Americans, and not just because she actually is foreign. We believe the way you grab people's attention and respect is to, you know, close your country down, declare war on another or rub your ass up against some guy's crotch. The usual kind of means."

This total lack of extroverted frivolity coupled with "being on the phone all the time leaves us with no other option, i'm sure you'll agree, but to begin preparing surgical strikes on the threat of Angela Merkel. These strikes are not designed for maximum carnage more for maximum change, to stop Merkel from continuing her efficient, impressive leadership and making us look amateurish."

Targets for the strikes are believed to be mainly Angela Merkel's face, deliberately avoiding the prime gluteus maximus area. American intelligence agents believe a form of highly advanced cosmetic surgery via mobile phone will improve Merkel's looks and therefore reduce her geeky proficiency.

Around thirty other leaders are understood to have been spied upon, including former Italian premier Silvio Berlusconi although those particular visual missions were described as "purely recreational" spying.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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