Written by joseph k winter
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Friday, 11 October 2013

image for NSA sneaks into damp basement tea party meeting on government shutdown etc
Their song echoes throughout the building

Anonymous NSA sources are now revealing the latest surveillance deep inside an old textbook building where current tea party aficionados are planning strategy.

The nature of this surveillance is not clear although deployment of tiny insect drones (as with cockroaches) is possible.

Tea party representatives meet down in the basement with odor of cement block, mice droppings, and moldy textbooks replaced decades ago.

Some of these representatives read out of these old textbooks to each other on "restoring the confederacy," "return to 1861," "contributions of slavery."

Small numerically, the tea party people relay directions between themselves and financier advisors to the Speaker of the House. He reports in every morning for the latest on where to thrust the bayonet.

Strategy has now shifted from Obamacare to putting a rip into social security and other matters such as backing the McCutcheon versus Federal Election Commission case.

That is, there should be no limits for the wealthy if somebody wants a personal member of the house or senator (as in employee or personal representative versus state representative).

Some tea party people are also thinking about getting into the casino business and out of politics altogether.

A new scheme involves reducing social security cash outlay by ninety percent, an idea thought to have originated with George W. Bush.

The 90 percent would be replaced with gambling chips good at your local casino. Some citizens could even make fortunes off this scheme.

Also in the planning is a new federal agency Crossing Guard Senior Enterprises (CGSE) for seniors who need work. They can get training as crossing guards (if they can see the yellow lines, that is).

All this tea party industry is taking place inside these dank basement walls, cockroaches sometimes peering out of a cement block to take a peek at the humans.

There is one more factor. The group likes to sing their own song, like it's some kind of anthem.

At the same time they tear pages out of the textbooks, as with wrinkled old sheets on "amendments to the constitution," and toss them one by one into the coal-fired furnace:

A tea party spokesperson has identified Janis Joplin as inspiration for the following lyrics:

Oh Lord won't you help us
The government suspend
Got nothin' but curses
We ain't got a friend

The country is sinking
Down into the sand
But we in this party
We don't give a damn

We stand for Old Glory
With America at stake
We'll drive all the hearses
You need for the wake

Oh Lord won't you help us
The government suspend
Got nothin' but curses
We ain't got a friend

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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