Written by joseph k winter
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Saturday, 5 October 2013

image for GOP pool party survives testicle eating fish scare
Image of the suspect fish under investigation by the plastics industry

With the recent success in shutting down the government, the "gang of thirty" tea party members who are currently steering the GOP decided to celebrate.

They dispersed to the home of one of their benefactors with its three swimming pools and sundry amenities, including maid service and several private jets. (Exact number of both is classified due to national security.)

Mr. Boehner and Mr. Cantor were invited and decided to join in the interests of maintaining open lines of politically correct discourse and practicing appropriate facial expressions.

Amidst a lot of splashing and merriment, with plenty of libations pool-side and several comely maidens in bikinis serving, a sudden murmuring ran through the group.

There was a sense the Heavens had opened and wagged a finger. Gang of thirty representatives were seen heaving out of the pool shining wet and in some kind of panic.

There were cries of "What? What?"

Security agents scurried with their cell phones toward gates and barricades.

A spokesperson for Mr. Boehner (who disclosed this story only on condition of total anonymity) indicated a waiter in tuxedo approached Mr. Boehner, who had been lying back on a poolside lounge with intoxicants at his elbow.

This waiter murmured there might be Pacu Sarasalminae in the waters, and that Mr. Boehner and any close friends he might happen to have nearby should avoid undue bathing.

Mr. Boehner's face--which had been reported a bright ripening red--blanched considerably, and he involuntarily clutched downwards on his bathing costume.

Meanwhile the pool erupted into such a panic, with people screaming and hurrying, that police and the military were summoned rapidly to the residence, including helicopter gunships hovering.

"Guard your nuts! Oh, my God! It's the testicle eating fish! Who did this?"

The uproar lasted an hour, entirely wrecking the occasion as everyone scurried away to safety in some other part of town. A lot of bottles and half-filled glasses, with napkins and snacks, remained alone in the sun.

Meanwhile in the pool the testicle-consuming demon turned out to be somebody's idea of a lampoon for these representatives. It was only a plastic toy, nothing to worry about.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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