Written by Tony Bagodonutz
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Saturday, 28 September 2013

Some couples buy matching outfits. Royal couples get matching heraldry.

A new Conjugal Coat of Arms for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge blends William's royal shield comprised of English and Scottish Lions and a harp to symbolize Ireland with Kate's shield marked by a chevron and unicorns.

The unique conjugation has led to the conception of a newfound mythical beast in royal coat of arms folklore, the "Lion-Corn".

The term "Lion-Corn" is not to be confused with the painful condition that occurs on the bottom of a captive feline foot (not a captive foot, mind you, rather a foot attached to a feline that is in captivity).

When said feline is kept in a very confined space, such as one where it is in captivity (again, the feline is in captivity. Well I suppose the "space" might be considered to be in captivity, but that is a concept difficult to wrap one's mind around. No, I'm not referring to wrapping the feline's mind around a concept. I'm referring to "one's" mind, as in "your" mind. Anyhow what? How can space be kept in captivity. Let's simplify this. A lion is in a zoo damn it.)

The condition is called "Lion Corn" (or "Tiger Corn", "Puma Corn" depending on the species, you get the idea, I hope. This isn't real. This is satire. Right? Right.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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