Written by Jessica Fishman
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Friday, 27 September 2013

image for Israeli Rabbinate Implements Jewdar

Jerusalem, Israel - The Israeli Rabbinate, determined on increasing its efficiency so it can improve profitability, has developed Jewdar. Leveraging Israeli's hi-tech sector and implementing cross-industry knowledge, the Israeli Rabbinate has developed technology that can quickly and easily identify Jews. Jewdar will now be used at all the Rabbinate's national and international franchises. Adapting Jewdar is Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi David Lau's first big decision in his new position.

The process for identifying Jews up until now was an archaic system in which people would have to bring three generations of matrilineal proof of their Jewish identity. The paper documents would often be ketubas, pictures of gravestone, and letters from ultra-Orthodox Rabbis.

"While maintaining tradition is of the upmost importance, it is acceptable to adapt new technology if it is inline with the teaching of the Torah and supports strict adherence to its laws," stated David Lau, Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi. "Jewdar will help streamline the process of identifying real Jews and help prevent any fakes from sneaking through."

With patent approval still pending, the Israeli Rabbinate refused to discuss how the technology works.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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