As the "Irish Freemasons' Young Musician of the Year" competition gets under way at the Masonic Hall, Molesworth Street, Dublin with a staggering 10K Euros on offer in prizes, a surprise decision has been announced by 359 Degree Mason Hektor Rameses of the United Grand Lodge of England, the headquarters of the cult.
"The Freemasons are to sponsor next year's World Cup to be held in Brazil", explained Grand Master and former UK Prime Minister George Brown, treasurer of the Lodge: "Well, it's about making our gang...er brotherhood... socially acceptable along the lines of say.. The Salvation Army or McDonalds.
"So, over the next decade or so we will be looking at philanthropic opportunities in the main, where maximum exposure can be guaranteed and preferably involving kids because we really do have to address this slander against us of pedophilia and the like.
"We are presently engaged in putting out very high quality videos on the internet by way of PR and trying our best to debunk the left's antipathy towards us promulgated by a handful of conspiracy theorists. It is a mystery to us, by the way, how these lunatics ever got their views published. In America, that we can assure you would never have happened.
"We will be also making full use of our "appendant bodies" such as the London Times, Guardian, Mirror, etc, etc; indeed all the mainstream newspapers at home and abroad and of course the BBC, and all other populist organs of indoctrination... er... information media that we control. In the meantime, we will continue with our American-British initiative of world domination, despite the unjust criticism and pray for a speedy end to the war in Iraq so that Obama can focus on liberating Iran... from... from... its people."
Catholic Bishop of Rome Giovanni Horus, presently in Dublin to make the awards to young successful musicians said, "The Pope sends his blessings to the Freemasons and Mr. Rameses."