Written by joseph k winter
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Saturday, 14 September 2013

image for "The One Indispensable Nation" applications go global
Appropriate symbolism for the winner of The One Indispensable Nation contest is being researched at this time

This week a furor of verbiage over who, what, when, and why a nation is "indispensable" has swarmed across the globe very quickly.

In fact, the very latest updates indicate a global contest is already underway.

The world's smallest island nation, Nauru, at 8.5 square miles (22 square kilometers), has quickly rushed forward to claim that Nauru itself is "indispensable" as the arbiter of such a contest.

This distinction is claimed due to Nauru's history of being occupied, given away, captured, placed in trust to be controlled by another mightier nation, captured again and placed under protection again, then finally to its current status as independent and (at last!) master of its own phosphate reserves.

Local residents have said, on condition of anonymity, "We may not qualify as the one indispensable nation for the contest, but we certainly know the meaning of dispensable and indispensable. We believe Nauru is the one indispensable arbiter for this matter."

In associated developments, representatives of General Dynamics in the USA have stepped forward to insist that the Abrams M-1 tank is "the one indispensable tank" and the reason some two thousand of these instruments are being stored in the deserts of California.

More tanks are needed, they insist, and Congress must continue to fund manufacture for the sake of "indispensable national interests."

A new women's organization forming in Texas calling itself "the one indispensable female group organization" (IFGO) has launched pilot studies toward establishing criteria for "the one indispensable Governor of Texas."

Senator McCain's office has undertaken a study of the following:

*the one indispensable President

*the one indispensable Speaker of the House

*the one indispensable Senate Majority Leader

*the one indispensable Member of Congress Captured in Vietnam

As to qualifications for "the one indispensable nation" and what that means America's top universities are rushing to the quest.

Supposedly off-the-cuff remarks from an ex-President of Harvard meant to lead the way into a profound study of these qualifications have initiated further thinking and research.

To begin, the one indispensable nation must practice humanitarian intervention and protection of the innocent under the following principle--Waste no time. Do not hesitate with shots across the bow and slaps on the wrist!

The one indispensable nation will freely offer itself to countries across the globe in bolstering, equipping, arming, and building military installations in those other nations.

The one indispensable nation will be ready, willing, and able to start wars even if it "does not have irrefutable evidence" but based on "common sense."

In short, the one indispensable nation will be sensible, rational, patient, kindly, intelligent, and self-sacrificing. Its primary mission will be guarding and parenting and bossing the globe on correct behaviors.

Of the 196 nations of the world today, many are asking Nauru for the application forms for the contest and willing to fly representatives into this tiny country for interviews and testing.

They must also sign agreements to be tolerant of any crowding in hotels and restaurants due to these unusual world developments, with fines for any deviations.

Additionally, a companion contest for "The One Dispensable Nation" is gathering interest, and will emerge soon to add to current world intrigue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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