Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 31 August 2013

image for Blair-Putin Laughing Gas Co behind Syrian mass hypochondria
Puts lead in yer pencil, mate

New York - UN substance abuse inspectors have identified a whiff of something toxic coming out of a charity supplying recreational helium to the Syrian Arab Republic.

The not-for-prophet Blair-Putin Laughing Gas Company is being investigated for what some observers suspect might be an outbreak of mass hypochondria on the streets of Damascus.

The Bloodyvostock-based organization is sole holder of global patents of the notorious Eau De Cherie nerve agent which, when metabolized with the inert gas helium, 'sends people stark raving bonkers in 30 seconds flat'.

This weekend forensic narcologists at the UN's Serious Poisons Unit examining the Syrian data believe they have identified several gaseous 'strains' of the hideous cocktail.

"Strains? As in 'credibility'?" Chief UN toxicology expert Prof Einstein Flintstone commented.

"Not for nothing did they name this crap after the world's most toxic woman since Lady Macbeth."

Meanwhile fatalities linked to this latest disgusting pong are rising all the time amid reports that an 'Eau De Cologne' and 'Intimate Body Mist' version are being trialled at a US army barracks in Rhineland, Germany.

Half a kilo of this stuff mixed with a general all-purpose botox-based moisturizer can exfoliate a French Foreign Legion-sized platoon in less than one day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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