Written by Mr Anorchristic
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Thursday, 29 August 2013

image for London Mayor Boris 'The Blade' Johnson admits 'HS2 is not fit for purpose'.
Baroness Tanni-Grey after a busy day at The House of Lords yesterday

In a statement made today from City Hall, London Mayor, Boris 'The Blade' Johnson made assurances to the 9million disabled people living in London, that they would get equal access to train stations and buses, without any steps getting in the way, ''as we would bwing the HS2 train and buses strwaight to their dwoorsteps' said Boris today.

Boris, who got his moniker 'The Blade' from the massive cuts he introduced when he became Mayor of London, sensationally unveiled a new transport service dubbed the 'Chairmaster', which is to be introduced when the HS2 is completed in 2018 at an extra cost of 3billion out of taxpayers' pockets.

Supporting his new and best transport solution so far, Boris went onto recruit 11 times Gold Medal and 6 times Marathon Champion, Dame Tanni-Grey Thompson, into promoting his new brainwave which came to him whilst shagging another blonde PA.

Baroness Grey-Thompson went on to say that ''I fully support Boris's plan to introduce the Chairmaster Bus alongside the HS2 Rail Line, because I know what it feels like to be disabled and live in London. In my day, if you did not have a car and a driver you were left at home just staring at the TV''.

She went on to say that ''I have been involved in politics for nearly 15 years and I'm proud to say that I have done all I can to promote disability and disabled people's rights, but as we all know politics is a very busy lifestyle and not a lot of work and now I'm a Baroness, I am above all disabled people now so I couldn't give a crap really''.

Dick Wad Mayor, Boris said ''Tanni is an inspwiration to us all, it's good that we can literally wroll her out when dwisabled issues awise and my new Chwairmaster will rwevolutionise twavel for the 9million dwisabled pweople living in Lwondon''.

A House of Lords insider, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said today ''Yawn… ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho… I'm a Lord! Do you believe it? I'm actually a Lord...! Lets party!''.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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