Moscow - A terse telephone call to the White House had Russian leader Vladimir Putin foaming at the mouth repeatedly calling the American president 'Proby' in response to Obama's masterly Syrian plot. Yeah.
Up to 1,000 heavily armed drones are to deploy in the Southern Med from aircraft carrier the USS Harry S Truman, their mission to blast the Syrian Presidential Palace to smithereens in response to the weekend's reported gas attacks on civilians.
This strategic masterstroke is getting straight up Putin's nose on the spurious grounds that it might breach the Assad regime's fundamental human frights to carry out what the Russians term containment of a domestic abuse incident - 'where probably the ho's lying anyway'.
Tonight the tension is reaching fever pitch as 'Proby' and his junior sidekick Big Dave Cameron trade sycophantic compliments via the presidential Hot Line.
"Uh, nice loafers you wearin' in those holiday snapshots, Dave."
"Gosh, frightfully good of you to mention it, Barack old bean, care to share an aircraft carrier or two so our boys can collar a piece of the action and topple that baddie, er... Saddam Hussain? er... Bash-Ear Assad??"