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Topics: Crime, Diet, norway

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Norway's standing as a peaceful and low crime country, has taken a severe hit after a new diet crazes has hit the country.

The book "steel what you eat" has been on the bestseller list for two months and the effects can be felt in the otherwise quiet nation. The book by Doctor Fog Horn, stipulates that anybody can loss up to 100 pounds, by only eating what they can steal. Doctor Horn made his discoveries after working as a medical examiner in a state prison. Here he found that there were almost no fat people amongst those arrested for shoplifting of theft.

The benefits of this diet are multiple.

First, says Doctor Horn, the adrenalin you get when committing a crime, burns many calories.

Secondly, it is impossible to carry to much food when you have to either hide the products or run very fast with them. And of course the running in itself gives an extra work out.

Finally, the food prices in Norway are extremely high. A loaf of bread goes for 30 NKR. (5 US Dollars). A litter of milk 14 NKR. (2,3 US dollars). Therefore, there is a lot to save by following the diet.

As one might guess the local retail shops in Norway is not too happy about the new fashion. Many supermarkets have been forced to hire guards. Others have quickly built a system of "air vents" to slow the customer's exits from the shop (making it impossible to run off with the food). This has led to some cases of people just eating the stolen goods inside the shop. One went as far as to start a single use grill up in a customer rest room, in order to prepare to roast the moose meet he just stole. This kind of behavior is however discouraged by Doctor Horn, as it does not gives the exercise of running off with the products and you can't consume too much food this way.

One online retailer is refusing to sell the book, fearing lawsuits claiming that they are encouraging crime. Spokesperson, Ann Alphabet says however" we are considering starting selling food as it seem a lot of the supermarkets are going out of business".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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