Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Saturday, 10 August 2013

image for Identity of Da Vinci's Mona Lisa Confirmed As Roseanne, His Gymboree Teacher

Scientists in Florence, Italy, have confirmed the identity of Leonardo Da Vinci's model for his Mona Lisa painting, after centuries of speculation.

Extensive DNA testing of an exhumed body, computer modeling, and meticulous employment records from Italy's labor department identified Mona Lisa as Roseanne Maria Sportolio, Da Vinci's Gymboree teacher from childhood.

Da Vinci's love of his Gymboree time was well known among his friends and students. Many speculated that Da Vinci considered Sportolio a surrogate mother and was a natural choice for his famous painting.

Widely credited with encouraging Da Vinci's interest in human anatomy and biology, Sportolio's chain of Gymboree children's activity centers dominated Italy's child development landscape in the mid-15th century. Pioneering such business practices as hosting birthday parties, private lessons, and an on-site gift shop, Sportolio became a role model for the Renaissance Italian businesswoman.

Sadly, the original Gymboree concept fell out of favor shortly after Da Vinci's death in 1519.

In a separate announcement, the model for Vermeer's The Girl With The Pearl Earring was confirmed as Ginger Adams, a Jazzercize instructor.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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