Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Edward Snowden

Saturday, 3 August 2013

image for Drone Attack Sent After Ed Snowden In Red Square

A drone zeroed in on Ed Snowden as he maneuvered his way across Red Square. It wasn't the giant missile deploying drone used in the Bourne Legacy that parted Jeremy Renner's hair just before wiping out a cabin in the middle of the Alaska wilderness, but a Hammacher Schlemmer or Radio Shack cantaloupe size Parrot type drone that buzzed around Snowden, sending him zigging and zagging, trying to avoid the hit, and eventually was seen fleeing into the underground.

President Vladimir Putin was livid with rage, his lips turning pink, and accused the U.S. of invading Russia's sovereignty with a cantaloupe size Parrot drone and demanded an apology or ten F-16s.

Secretary of State John Kerry called a press conference and delivered a two-hour speech denouncing the accusation that the United States had anything to do with the cantaloupe size Parrot drone attack on Ed Snowden in Red Square, and suggested the Russians instead question Al Qaeda, Hezbollah, Hamas, and get off the U.S.'s. back.

David Cameron added a, "Tsk."

His lips now magenta, Vladimir Putin accused the US of ignoring him, and quoted a Glen Close line from Fatal Attraction, saying, "I'm not going to be ignored." The cantaloupe size drone Parrot violated Russian airspace in an act of cowboy diplomacy, and he demanded an apology from President Barack Obama or at least eight F-16s.

President Obama was seen moon walking from Marine One to the White House singing, "I'm walking on sunshine, oh yeah."

Meanwhile, Ed Snowden moved back to Sheremetyevo International Airport, (or gone to ground) claiming he felt safer in that location, and held his own press conference requesting that the good citizens of free Russia contribute hot food, a bathtub and a pole dancer.

The hospitality services at the airport reported that they already provide bathing facilities and hot food; however, their hospitality services did not extend to providing pole dancers.

Vladimir Putin's lips moved to red and he asked for five F-16s and he'd hand over Ed Snowden.

"I'm walking on sunshine."

Final offer: No F16s, and you can have Ed Snowden.

"Oh, yeah!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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