London - Government documents released under the 30 Year Rule show Queen Elizabeth plotted to detonate a nuclear bomb in the event of being outed as a KGB impostor.
Targets included the Duke of Kent and the Earl of Essex, described by NATO intelligence as Pretenders to the faux House of Windsor throne which Joseph Stalin's cunning minx of a niece occupied since February 1952.
Heavily censored papers from 1983 also discuss installing the UK's official nuclear button in the Queen's private boudoir in the event of the country's Prime Minister being declared unfit or unable - 'either through physical injury, insanity or being in a state of death' - to press the nuclear trigger her/himself.
Other plots looked at flooding vast areas of South East England to create royal water parks 'for the proles' in a bid to woo the country's workshy masses off welfare benefits.
And compulsory deportation of Scottish Nationalists to their ideological spawning grounds on the USSR.
Other important papers from 1983 are still deemed too bloody awful for release from classification under the UK's Official Secrets Act including all royal wills since Queen Victoria's in 1901.
A similar embargo still persists on publication of royal DNA data despite a plethora of information on official genome comparison sites.
Prince Philip Von Battenberg was only half-Greek.