WINDSOR - Queen Elizabeth II has issued a royal decree stating that the coming of William's and Kate's spawn shall hurry the hell up and get here so that her holiday plans don't get mucked up.
Although Her Majesty has been doing the talking, it is believed that the Duke of Edinburgh has been twisting her ear.
Recently, His Royal Highness was overheard complaining: "Every tosser knows that Kuoni holiday packages are 100% down and no money back if you cancel."
Due to constraints in the Royal Family's holiday budget, a late due date could mean having to postpone until next year, unless a super last-minute sale were to materialize.
Although it was hush-hush as to the destination, Prince Philip was also heard muttering, "And those damned Jamaicans do make the best rum!"