Written by Lyndon
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Monday, 15 July 2013

image for NSA spy Snowden to star in reality show: An American in Transit
Snowden's $231 Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses from Sheremetyevo's duty free shops.

MOSCOW - NSA secrets leaker Edward Snowden may not have to worry about money for awhile. Venevisión, one of Venezuela's largest television networks, has signed Snowden to a reality show deal that will highlight Snowden's highs and lows in the transit zone of Moscow's Sheremetyevo International Airport.

President of Venevisión, Dr. Julio Márquez, announced that there's so much good footage of Snowden during his first three weeks that he sees the series becoming an overnight sensation. Since Venezuela anticipates that Snowden will choose the South American country as his safe haven, they envision someone landing in their country with the star power of, say, Hugo Chavez.

Márquez shared a couple of teasers of what is to come. One scene features Snowden losing his composure after purchasing yet another cup of coffee for six euros ($7.80).

On a different day, Snowden tries unsuccessfully to register himself as a "passenger with reduced mobility." A partial transcript was shared:

Official: "Are you seriously ill?"
Snowden: "No."
Official: "Are you ill on a stretcher?
Snowden: "No."
Official (loudly): "Are you an unaccompanied deaf person?"
Snowden: "No."
Official: "Are you a blind person with a guide dog?"
Snowden (annoyed): "No!"
Official: "I'm sorry, but you don't fit the description of a 'passenger with reduced mobility.'
Snowden: But I'm Edward Fucking Snowden! I am the personification of such a person!"

Márquez says these bits are simply tips of the iceberg.

"Hilarity will ensue."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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