Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 12 July 2013

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Speaking in tongues and the related matter of celibacy could be a deal breaker

Rome - Revelations Chapter 666, page 9/11 about covert buggery of Paypal [sic] vestments have triggered an offer of Holy Sanctuary to the US fugitive from justice who could be fast-tracked to sainthood if he accepts the Vatican citizenship offer.

The ancient tradition of offering ecclesiastical sucker - er...succour! - stretches back millenia and has seen thousands of desperadoes taken into asylum under the Pontiff's wing in exchange for stuff such as, er, CIA decryption codes and locations of surveillance bugs.

Yay, verily.

Snowden remains holed up in the Vatican's outreach orifice at Moscow Airport where longhaul chaplains are negotiating asylum terms on behalf of the Spanish Inquisition which normally deals with routine applications.

Pals reckon a senior bishoprick [sic] and matching attractive annual stipend could be in the pontifical bag in a matter of daze if Snowden agrees to convert and accept an official Vatican passport.

The one outstanding matter of celibacy vows remains a bit of a fly in the ointment although new interpretations of abstinence and the Biblical euphemism of 'speaking in tongues' could be an eventual deal-breaker.

Emeritus Pope Joe Ratzinger is 109.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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