Written by joseph k winter
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Tuesday, 2 July 2013

image for Der Spiegel und Der Beagle
The President's Beagle Sometimes Dons Party Hat

White House spokesperson Jay Carney has said there is no truth that a pet beagle accompanying President Obama on diplomatic forays across the globe is connected to recent disclosures in Der Spiegel on NSA spying in Germany.

The world has just learned that NSA spying now applies to one half billion German communications messages per month, plus includes spying on German diplomats in Washington.

Mr. Obama and other spokespersons as with Nancy Pelosi have clarified with "No big deal! Everybody is spying on everyone else these days!"

But German politicians and constituents have expressed some skepticism over whether the President's beagle is properly in attendance at diplomatic meetings between allies.

Related somehow, suspicions have risen that the animal (rumored to be nicknamed "Barrie Junior" by the President) is a mechanical device, not an actual dog. However, the creature seems to bark and was once seen lifting its leg on a sofa in an apartment belonging to Angela Merkel.

There has also been renewed interest in the dog's--or robot's, if that's what it is--low stature and ability to move around a room where World Leaders are holding high-level talks and sharing confidences.

For example, it can sneak close to whispered conversations, and with its low proximity to cabinets, desks, and computer equipment may have the ability to penetrate these sources for valuable data on allied plans and movements.

As to why a mechanical dog would lift its leg, expert theorists (anonymous) suggest that particular movement is deployed in the interests of verisimilitude with no actual function in mining data.

But a Soviet analyst probed further that this gesture symbolizes US attitudes toward global economic rivals. Secretary of State John Kerry then responded, "All countries have such gestures. There's absolutely nothing new here."

Ruffles apparently settled, Ms. Merkel was overheard saying, "It only lifts its leg, but nothing else. Ach du liebe gute!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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