Queensland , Australia. An excited and giddy Steve ‘Croc Hunter' Irwin returned to life Saturday after being dead since September 4th, 2006. Irwin, who passed away due to a freak accident while filming a segment for a documentary involving interaction with a stingray, was able to return to the land of the living by wrestling with God and successfully subduing Him and then snatching the Secrets of Life and Death from the Almighty.
"You might ask how I did it", said an exuberant Irwin, "when you look at this God, you'll see he's got a real powerful set of jaws. But what most people don't know, is that this bugger, properly called Yahweh, Jehovah, or Allah, has a secret!"
Irwin went on to explain that no human could overcome God's bite, but that all of God's biting force is created by a series of muscles called intromers which store up an almost elastic charge causing the Lord's jaw to come down with an incredible 500 pounds per square inch of power. What most people don't know, is that the muscles God uses to open his mouth are incredibly weak. By holding God's mouth closed when it was already shut, Irwin was able to render Him harmless.
Irwin showed that although God's cage seemed small, he was happy at Australia Zoo, as he hand fed a cheese cracker to the Lord, who made a purring sound as He ate. Irwin also reminds us that being able to see God up close will help children and adults to remember how much God needs their prayers, especially when so many species of deity, such as the Olympians and the Asgard, have gone extinct.
Pamela Anderson, speaking for PEDA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Deities) said although Irwin's intentions are good, "the conditions under which God is being kept are deplorable and this whole episode is sensationalistic".
God will be on display at the Australia Zoo until the end of October, when He will be transferred to the Bronx Zoo for an undetermined amount of time. Able to finally examine Him up close, American scientists hope to settle the debate once and for all if this particular species of God, the ring-tailed Yahweh, is related at all to the now extinct Middle Eastern Ba'al species.