Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Monday, 3 June 2013

image for WHO Warns Of Vampire Pandemic
A Vamp With VAMP

Geneva, Switzerland-- The Whirled Health Organization is sounding the alarm bells today about a new illness that may cause the next pandemic. The disease is called VAMPS (Vampire Acquired Multi-Phasic Syndrome) and it has the potential to kill millions of people. The new disease was discovered last year in Romania.

Dr. Julia Hoffman is the head of WHO, and she gave some details about VAMP to the press:

"It seems to have begun in the Transylvania section of Romania, but it is spreading." said Dr. Hoffman. "Thanks to airline travel, we now have two clusters in North America. One cluster is in Mystic Falls, Virginia. The other cluster is in Sunnydale, California."

Dr. Hoffman stated that the symptoms of VAMP are very unusual.

"All the victims of VAMP have two red marks on their necks. Victims are pale, and avoid sunlight. Breathing is shallow to non-existent. There is also an insatiable thirst for blood."

Dr. Hoffman noted the hallmark symptom of VAMP is that victims return from the grave.

"If you have recently died, but have returned to life, you definitely have VAMP. Please call your primary care physician as soon as possible. We must try to stop this new disease from spreading."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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