Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Iran, Walking

Thursday, 21 September 2006

image for The President Of Iran Challenges The UN
Watch These Slick Moves

UN HQ, Forty-second Street on The East River---The President of Iran has addressed the UN after walking in the back door. .

"Don't mess with me, man. I'm telling you that I'm dangerous. I'm telling you I could get ticked off in a second, man. Don't mess with me. I can kick your heimie. I mean it."

"Let me tell you something. I am so determined to show you how tough I am that I am going to join the WWF and fight as the Republican Guardian. For jihad and against Western civilization as we know it because I have the oil. Watch me slick it on. Don't I look cool. Sort of like Coach Riley. Go Lakers."

He demonstrates a couple of basketball dribbling techniques like spinning the ball, behind the back passes and bouncing the ball between and under his legs, then makes a few wrestling moves.

"Want to know something? I don't need you anyhow. So don't mess with me.
I've got all the oil I need to grease the wheels of success. If that fails, we can always reconfigure fission with fusion and create pitchblende. Everything is a relative and relativity is a peaceful nuclear option. So don't mess with me because I'm dangerous. And I am the man."

He takes on more wrestling poses. "Like what you see? Don't mess with me because I am dangerous. I could pin you in a second. I know all the moves. Half nelson. Full nelson. Baby faced Nelson. The Nelson family. I'm in a groove."

"Rest assured, we will create new uses for oil. We will cook better and eat better and wrestle with tough problems more, better. Hulk Hogan and The Undertaker are nobodies. They can't lay a hand on me. I'm dangerous I tell you. Don't tick me off because I AM THE MAN."

"Wait until you see the slick moves I put on Bush. Yeehaw, weehaw, seesaw," he shouts as he exits the world stage left.

"I can body slam that sucker in a second. Want to see my moves?"

"Here. Hold this," he says as he hands his guest an oily can. "Watch. Choke hold,:" he says as he poses provocatively. "Paralysis on hold. Bottleneck hold. I've got a million moves, one worse than the other.

"Just remember," he shouts. "I AM THE MAN," he announces as he leaves the building.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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