Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 15 May 2013

image for Disgraced Cardinal sentenced to full Bell Book N Candle exorcism
Was temptation his downfall?

The Gorbals, Glasgow - Demoted in the ranks for gross misconduct the former Primate of Scotland has been ordered into exile from his Scottish stamping ground for processing and re-assimilation at a Vatican exorcism.

Ex-Cardinal Keith O'Brien will undergo ritual purging of demonic entities that have possessed him body and soul ever since the first illicit altar boy incident.

A full Spanish Inquisition-style interrogation and confession session will grill the disgraced cleric whose stellar career was cut dramatically short after getting grassed up by a defrocked priest.

The Pope himself will probably officiate at this weekend's banishing ceremony that starts with O'Brien being dunked in a holy water font.

Powerful emetics will then cleanse him internally before Sistine Chapel nuns shave all his body in preparation for the full-on Bell, Book and Candle rite.

The de-satanizing ceremony will be followed by six months' solitary in a coat cupboard-sized cell deep beneath Rome in the Catacombs.

Commenting on the upcoming ritual a source close to Pope Francis I's tarot card reader said: "The old bas***d sure had it coming, heheh."

Catch excerpts of the televised ceremonials on Channel 666.

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