Written by Mr Anorchristic
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Horse, Fraud, Tax Evasion

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

image for Sheikh Maktoum's Horses in Another Doping Scandal Again
A Doped Up Horse Yesterday

After 30 years of doping horses and fixing races, Sheikh 'Shakin Bakin Stevens' Maktoum the Prime Minister of Dubai (who likes tossing behind the Green Door at parties and cabinet meetings) and once the driving force behind Dubai's massive growth and recent stagnation has finally found a scapegoat, as usual, to blame his cousin and close confidant Mahmood al-Zarooni, (not related to the Moonies) for 15 of his horses from the Moulton Paddocks and general Godolphin stables, who were found to be high as kites and doped up to the eyeballs on crack, cannabis, ecstasy and STEROIDS.

It is estimated that Newmarket brings in over 600 million pounds a year in revenue for the UK but yet the UK benefits less than 5 million a year in taxes, jobs and community reinvestment. One does not need to be an accountant to work it out, (the Shake N Bake has 15 Accountants) so why are they getting away with what legally is termed as organized crime?

A Jockey, who cannot be named for legal reasons and has recently retired from the horse racing world, said yesterday, 'It's amazing how for years owners and trainers have managed to work their way around the legal jargon in terms of avoiding tax and ensuring that their horses are better than the best. You have to imagine that if there is a horse that you want to beat, there are no boundaries to make sure no matter what, that your horse is a winner and stays a winner. Most of the money comes from breeding but that aspect of racing is slowing down. Now it's all about money, dodgy bookies and fixed races. It's the norm now. It's scary so I retired with bumper cash in hand (suitcases) offer'.

There have been at least 100 horses that have come through the Godolphin Stables to be doped up on steroids because of the way they are tested and the way the stables are given prior warning when the tests will take place.

Newmarket is a town which relies on horse racing and training since the 'Shake n Bake' has been shaking his hips in Newmarket at The Bushel pub and the Wagon and Horses on the Karaoke machine to the tune of Shakin Stevens hit number one song 'Green Door'. It's not the first time controversy has followed the 'Shake n Bake' and his stables as in the early nineties her Royal Majestyness the Queenie herself was embroiled in a horse doping scandal through the Godolphin Stables in the nineties, as stable workers came forward to give evidence but were quickly paid off to keep their silence.

Bought off by the 'Shakes n Bakes' employers and the Queens back door merchants, as always, nobody higher up in the doping scandal will ever be implicated or caught as they will downplay the issue and let it blow over as they are all in on the scam as usual.

The Queen as usual was at Windsor busily distancing herself from the newest scandal to hit horse racing and probably not the last,was not available for comment yesterday. A Spokesman for the 'Shake n Bake', Abin Mussad Farooki, Bin Alhed, Bin Jubbar, Bin Harooni, Bin Maussad, Bin Liner, said yesterday that 'The UK Prime Minister David Cameron was in Dubai and was guest of honor at the 'Shake n Bakes' mansion in central Dubai and was sorting out the mess as we spoke. So Newmarket could 'Fuck off' and disappear into obscurity.

Make Mr Anorchristic's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 1?

1 6 10 3
60 readers are online right now!

Go to top