International Airspace, Africa - Women tennis player pros specializing in high octane on-court grunting and shrieking will be competing for the title of Miss Aeronautic Soundproofing International in a PR event launched today in tandem with the return of Boeing's grounded Screamliner fleet.
Newly kitted out facilities aboard the deluxe carrier have been designed with decibel-shattering specialists, like Maria Sharapova, in mind.
Their installation is part of a radical overhaul of the 50-strong fleet furloughed in January this year over Mile High Club noise pollution issues.
The move followed a huge rise in complaints about paper-thin walls in the First Class bathrooms where Mile High antics regularly interfered with passengers', er, enjoyment of more orthodox onboard entertainment. Like internet bingo. And stuff.
Organizers are hopeful they've done enough to tempt ace tennis shrieker/grunter Sharapova to test drive the improvements by way of the $1 million competition top prize.
Up to ten legendary center court female vocal specialists are also being invited to check out the new First Class ensuite facilities, recently upgraded with state-of-the-art vibration mufflers. [Wot dat? 'Ed']
This morning a PR agency handling Williams sisters Serena and Venus indicated the women might oblige if the conditions are right.
However their lawyers insist on a special 'turbulence' clause on the London to New York transatlantic route given a history of somewhat rough [Ouch! Don't ask] previous crossings.
And a bout of dodgy chicken tikka masala-related E. coli runs.
Expect the early run-offs on the Rome to Dallas, Texas routes to include Poland's Agnieszka Radwanska and Denmark's Caroline Wozniacki.
Steffi Graf is 69.