Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 27 April 2013

image for British drones in Afghan poppy destruction ops
Billions of toxic bugs released this weekend

Afghanistan - Remote controlled British drones armed with genetically modified aphids are being deployed for the first time over the Tora Bora in operations targeting Afghani opium production.

Billions of GM bugs capable of munching their own body weigh in opium poppies every hour are being broadcast over the region according to Our Man In Kabulshit.

The insects have been altered at the prepupal stage by scientists at the UK's Porton Down's National Poisons Unit who have managed to successfully infect them with a lethal strain of fungal poppy blight engineered to destroy the entire 2013 Afghani opium crop.

Within 24 hours of contact the opium poppy wilts and rapidly decomposes to a slippery green sludge, giving off a terrible pong similar to rotting orangutang guano.

News of the deployment has angered the usual ragbag of animal rights activists one of whom said today that a toxic butterfly effect could seriously harm Chinese giant pandas as well as their arctic polar bear cousins due to contamination via volatile, global warming-fueled trade winds.

"It's the ultimate doomsday scenario," a spokesperson for the Ethical Treatment of Insects said today.

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