Brisbane - Australia's second-largest and third-most populous state has put its foot down about the Douchesse of Cambridge becoming queen after extensive DNA testing showed Kate Middleton is Cherie Blair's squalid brat.
The sovereign state of Queensland has refused to pass a federal bill that would make Prince William - Tony Blair's bastard son by JK Rowling - and his daft gold-digger bigamist wife its next monarch.
And it's equally nauseated at the prospect of a paedo cover-up organization like the Roamin' Catlick church fielding its own runners by the overturning of a 400 year ban on Papist royal wannabes.
"Queenslanders are gobsmacked, frankly, at Cherie's grasping little minx flouncing around at all sorts of public events," a constitutional expert commented, "like she owned the place."
Then there's the awkward question of Justin Bieber, Kate Middleton's son by David Cameron - and an extremely tricky wedding certificate showing the silly moo's only lawful nuptials to a jailed fraudster currently languishing behind British bars.
"Actually, we're not that bothered about the 'languishing behind bars' bit of the scandal," the lawyer added, "so long as the beer's cold and the nuts are, er, salty.
"Anyone want to see Bieber's birth parents cooing over his royal bank account checkbook?"