Palace of Conventions, Havana, Cuba - (Associated Mess): World leaders of the Non-Aligned Movement meeting in Havana, Cuba were dismayed when their host Fidel Castro took a more-non-aligned-than-thou attitude yesterday and refused to attend the convention's opening photo-call session because his barber had only managed to secure a reddish coloured hair-piece to replace the ageing moth-eaten thatch that Ronnie Reagan sent him for his 60th birthday many moons ago.
And despite an immediate whip-round from the delegates to fly in a suitable replacement from the personal coiffeur responsible for US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton's lush photogenic tresses, no Castro appearance was forthcoming during the opening ceremony of the three-day conference.
Fidel's PR advisers were quick to point out that none of the other Non-Aligned delegates themselves would have been seen dead in public alligned to such a gross sartorial faux pas.
And that the dire dearth of suitable hair-pieces in Cuba was the direct result of continuing cold-war sanctions imposed over forty years ago following the naval blockade of Havana after some very dodgy local cigars found their way to the White House attached to large quantities of Russian-made live nuclear warheads.
So the opening proceedings of the Non-Aligned Summit got off to a much more non-aligned start as bemused delegates pondered their host's sulkiness and checked their own hair-pieces for infestations by the island's notorious genetically-modified lice that Florida's Governor Jeb Bush has been regularly sending over via Guantanamo Bay inmates down the road in a bid to tease old Fidel for holding out so long without joining the Bush Dynasty global organised racket cartel.
Yesterday's Non-Aligned speakers included Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket, Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, and Alexander Lukashenko of Belarus, who still appears not to have recovered from the bout of terminal acne virus that Margaret Thatcher sent him as an election strategy gift three years ago.
When Zimbabwe's president finally showed up, proceedings became a little more chilled out as Mugabe brought out his personal travel-bag of local Harare-grown organic combustible herbal materiel - said to rival even that of the indigenous Havana crops so favored by Castro himself.
Business resumes as normal today and top of the agenda will be the Non-Aligned Movement's turf war with the Bush Family Evil Empire's continuing straglehold on global cocaine markets, Afghani heroin trade routes and Third World preferential arms smuggling terms secured at the World Trade Organization's recent contraband summit in St Petersburg.
Keynote guest speakers expected at the summit today are the North Korean Papal Pro-Nuncio, the Gustafson Porter-Goss design team of the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain and representatives of top global fiction fraudster J K Rowling.
General Pinochet, 91, has sent his very best wishes.