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Thursday, 14 September 2006

image for Poland sends in crack team to boost NATO Afghan forces
Latest NATO Afghanistan recruits from Poland, the fearsome 9/11 Sikorsky Hussars

Warsaw - (Associated Mess): The Polish Ministry of Defense has announced that it will be sending in a crack regiment of Hussars as its contribution to the depleted NATO forces fighting Taleban smack cartels in Afghanistan.

The 9/11Sikorsky Hussars Regiment has been conscripted from an elite brigade of Polish painters, decorators, builders, plasterers, electricians and general handymen which has been successfully camping out in South East England construction sites ever since Poland joined the European Union in 2004.

Their legendary skills in under-pricing indigenous specialists have won over cynical NATO military chiefs who had originally hoped to enlist another 500,000 Ghurkhas into the Tora Bora peaks of Afghanistan after a particularly plentiful opium harvest this year saw Taleban war lord activity soar to unprecedented levels.

The Hussars will bring with them their own stealth-trained trusty Polish steeds which have been such an immense asset in the past on mountaineering expeditions in the Urals and Alps when the 9/11 Sikorskys were parachuted in to track down fugitive cocaine smugglers targetting European ski resorts during peak winter seasons.

Although no officially documented pictures exist of this daring operation, it is believed that the horses themselves had spent many months training in NATO-approved specialist bungee-jumping camps before being airlifted with their riders and parachutes into off-piste locations and then dropped in the dangerous hilly terrains of their assignment.

No specific details have been released by NATO regarding future methods of introducing the Hussars and their steeds into the Afghani hillocks and such information will stay classified until initial forays have been completed.

But a reliable source in the Polish Ministry of Defense has hinted that much tunnelling activity into the Tora Bora Ridge by a battallion of specialist Polish builders during the last eighteen months may have prepared a secret 'Trojan Horse' entrance into the troubled region - a kind of reverse Colditz scheme to burrow into as opposed to out of the heart of the area of hostilities.

Also conscripted to join the elite Hussars team is a pack of five hundred opium-sniffing wolf-hounds which the Poles have bred specially by cross-fertilising Colombian Police sniffer dogs with their Warsaw counter-parts and then genetically modifying their DNA to respond to opium traces rather than cocaine.

This round-about training method has ensured that the elite canine nostrils will not be polluted by adulterated smack products that are rife on the streets of Polish cities everywhere, and will instead respond solely to the aromas of opiate secretions found in Taleban war lords' armpits, groins and saddlebags.

This latest NATO military addition will be starting active duties in the next few weeks and may be joined by a further battalion from EU countries that not have so far joined the Global Piss Process pioneered by George Bush and his stalwart henchman Tony Blair.

More news of these developments is expected next week.

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