Written by susan allen-rosario
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Peace, Heaven

Wednesday, 13 September 2006

image for God's new plan for Peace
"I confess... I made mistakes!"

Dateline: Heaven - God, in an interview with reporters, during a recent book signing at the Gospel superstore "Prayers R-Us", commented on his latest book "War and Fleece".
"This text is not warm and fuzzy, as you might have thought from the title. I tried to address the issue of war from a more modern perspective, unlike my last two books. I think the people of the world today will be able to grasp these new concepts and this time I have made myself very clear, and have left very little room for misinterpretation."
"In my first book 'The Old Testament I, my approach to the unruly, non-God fearing type, was to 'seek and destroy'. I confess I made mistakes. That whole flood thing was not a good idea. All we got was wet. It took years to dry everything out. My servant Noah, rest his soul, lost some of my favorite animals in the rush to safety, and that boat! Such a mess, I've never seen. Can you believe people are still looking for it? I say, all you need is your nose. Use your nose! Like a giant litter box, that thing! I wish we had 'Tidy Cat' back in the day, I can tell you."
"In my sequel, 'The New Testament II, co-written by my son Jesus, we went totally the other way… love thy neighbor as thy self, do unto others, turn the other cheek, that kind of stuff. Who knew people would be so confused by words like 'neighbor and others?"
I don't think I need to tell what 'cheeks' they are turning now a days. Believe me when I say, 'mooning' each other was not what we had in mind when we said that. Times change, people change, what are you going to do?
"In the new book 'War and Fleece', I have laid out a totally new concept of separation and isolation. In Chapter One, I tell why 'we can't all just get along.' I'm done here and I can't help people any more. No matter which approach I have tried in the past, nothing works for any length of time."
"Basically, if you can't all get along, which 2,000 years of history has proven you can't, just stay the hell away from each other. It's just that simple."
What God appears to be saying in the new book is… like minded people need to stop trying to get along with their enemies and blanket themselves in a fleece cocoon of isolated communal living, separate, but equal, unconnected to anyone that is not exactly like them. Whew!
"Yeah, whatever you said, sounds right, but I still want you to buy my book, donations are down, and I could use the money. Being God just isn't what it use to be."

Make susan allen-rosario's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 3?

1 6 7 21

Go to top