London - (Mayan Calendar Mess): Illuminati protocols insist the cortege must head a Revelations 6:18 kinda cakewalk down The Strand from Some Clement Dames Church all the way down to St Paul's.
Cryogenically vacuum-sealed inside a devils claw wood casket Thatcher's remains will see the Third Reich's colors draped across a ceremonial Gun Carriage of the King's Spoof Royal Whorse Fritillary which last did for the Old Queen Mum back in 2002.
The cortege procession will be flanked by a funerary Bearer Party composed of armed forces personnel drawn from the Scottish Death Watch Beetle Regiment, the Royal Gherkin Rifles and the Helicopter Money Squadron of the RAF.
At the steps of St Paul's the Bearer Party will be met by the Bishop of London, the Right Rev Richard Chartres-Cathedral, current Hellfire Club chaplain and Wednesday's emcee.
There will then follow a brief coffin de-hexing ceremony to ritually banish any remaining paranormal activity and ensure no nasty hexoplasm escapes the six inch nail-reinforced coffin lid.
The remaining rituals will take place inside Wren's fabulous Cathedral behind a screen of smoke and mirrors as decreed by ceremonial liturgy from the Book of Revelations' Last Frights.
Next Wednesday's Armageddon commences at noon.