Political tension and intrigue was at an all time high today as the world prepared itself, again, to be invaded by North Korea. London, Washington, Moscow and Beijing were put on DEFCON 5 meaning that a nuclear air strike was imminent at any moment.
UK Foreign Secretary William Vague, who was running around like the small chappie from the Benny Hill Show, stopped for a moment to be interviewed by award winning spoof political correspondent Phani Tikkla, said 'Were all going to die! North Korea has a choice to make - it can either engage constructively with the international community by using Lego and stop making 'threatening gestures' and cease developing its nuclear and ballistic missile programmes because they have been naughty. They need to return to negotiations, or face increasing isolation by being sent to Coventry and further action by the Security Council who will do something or another and the international community won't speak to them".
In a statement released in the Western Media, Kim Jog-On was adamant and quite clear on what he thought of the Western powers that be: " I wirr not back down. Everybody is raffing at me and rooking to make us Koleans ruck stupid. All I want is to be roved like any other dictator and I'm forrowing in my daddy's footsteps. My patience is being tested rover and rover again and I have my finger on the button so who's raffing now?
UK Foreign Secretary William Vague responded by saying today 'well its typical of the dictator to be making a point in letting the world know he is a threat because he suffers from 'short man syndrome! I know because I have suffered from it all my life'.
Asked if he had any advice on the political climate of what the Security Council would be looking to implement in terms of action, the Foreign Secretary licked his finger and held in the air and said 'No'.
Today, the UK Government began dropping leaflets from Air force planes with the advice that if a nuclear missile was on its way citizens were to: 'hide under the coffee table, stay away from the windows and remove the doors so you could be protected from the blast and radiation poisoning'.