Written by CaptainSausage

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Friday, 29 March 2013

image for Ancient crucifix helps explain Easter mystery
Another Easter mystery solved?

An archaeological dig in Israel has uncovered one of the oldest representations of Jesus yet discovered. The crucifix was dug up in the town of Nazareth and has been carbon dated to around 100AD. It could reveal further details of how the famous loin-cloth-wearing religion-starting do-gooder lived.

The artefact clearly depicts Jesus, because it has the name printed on the back. It appears to be part of a batch of tourist tat manufactured in the area to take advantage of the growing Christian pilgrimage industry of the time.

Most interesting about the statue is that it shows Jesus with chocolate stains around his face as he lays on the cross. Archaeologist Johnbert McJesus says that the stains show that before he was crucified, Jesus must have had time to eat his Easter eggs.

"This must be the origin of the Easter egg in Christianity," said Professor McJesus. "Of course, chocolate was not available in the Old World until the Americas were reached and it was brought back in the 1500s. But we're talking about Jesus here. If he can turn water into wine, then surely he could have rustled up a milk chocolate giant egg with maybe some chocolate buttons inside. I'm sure it would have given him great comfort in his last hours to be able to nosh on such a delicious sugary snack."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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