Written by rfreed
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Monday, 18 March 2013

image for The Latest Development In Screwing Citizens Out Of Their Hard-Earned Cash- Cypriots Taxed On Their Savings Accounts!

Now it is the island nation of Cyprus's time to come under the guillotine of economic bankruptcy.
The only difference with their bankers way of dealing with it is that, instead of doing it in the U.S. fashion of taking the needed money from what the government holds in taxpayer money the Cypriot financial wizards are simply charging a tax directly to people who have accounts in their banks that are failing.

Let me repeat that- 'the bank customers are paying a tax for having their money in the bank'. Sort of like paying through the nose to have your nose removed.

That even beats the cheek of proud Capitalistic American financial institutions taking the money from ordinary citizens in the biggest socialist action ever done on U.S. soil.

Let me repeat that too- 'the biggest SOCIALIST action ever done on U.S. soil'. Surprisingly the Marines weren't sent in.

Unsurprisingly, this new law is very unpopular. Especially since it was caused by the banks dealing in sketchy investments. For one thing, they invested in Greece.

Oh, what they heck, let me repeat that too- 'they invested in GREECE!!!!!', the country that put the bail in 'bailout'. (Snicker, snicker, snicker!)

Some account holders are paying as much as a 10% tax. This means that after assumedly paying an income tax on the money that they earned and having the wisdom to save it in a bank and after paying taxes on everything else in their lives they now have to pay a tax to bail out jerk-ass bank people who do about as much to help out their fellow Cypriots as athletes foot does for your toes.

This brilliant way of making sure that the Cypriots lives are kept as dismal as possible was concocted not by the leaders of Cyprus but by the heads of the European Union, the people who are supposed to know better. Of course, they are the ones who hurriedly ushered a lot of European second world countries into the loving arms of the EU before they were anywhere near ready to join the big leagues, one of them being Cyprus.

When asked if there weren't other options that would make less hardship for the people of the country, Finance Minister Ab Solut Ripoff stated. "We considered many other possibilities, but they all involved us, the financial wizards, having to go out and get real jobs; work where we might actually have to really do something, jobs where we would possibly get our hands dirty. Of course we can't let that happen. It's much easier to let the little people who already have their hands dirty get them just a little dirtier and to be a little poorer."

But, all things said, the notoriously socialist European countries have learned something from our staunch American capitalistic ways of financial management- you can always count on the ordinary people who do the real work in the country to be a herd of obedient, ignorant cows and come up with the milk to get you out of a jam. And you can always go back to skimming off the cream of the crop of what they produce.

NEWS UPDATE- American bankers are watching with great interest the developments in Cyprus. They are licking their chops with avarice over the possibility to add to a present great upswing in the DOW with the additional income from taxing ordinary American's bank savings. More as it develops, unless of course the bankers who own the media don't want that known.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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