Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Pope, popemobile

Friday, 15 March 2013

image for Vatican First Lady demands Obama-style armored limo
The proposed interior of the new Papal limo, complete with on-tap Holy Water and bomb-proof chassis

Rome - The Pope's lawfully-wedded Ecuadorean wife is in talks with Vatican Garages Inc to scrap the 'downmarket' official popemobile for a rhinestone-studded Chevrolet Kodiak-based, Cadillac-badged limo 'just like the one Michelle Obama enjoys'.

According to Vatican tradition the current, eight year-old modified Mercedes-Benz M-Class SUV used by Pope Benedict should be broken up at a holy reliquaries scrapyard and completely destroyed.

The practice mirrors the church's other scared rituals like the official destruction of the papal amethyst ring responsible for conveying supernatural powers throughout a Pontiff's reign.

But due to severe austerity in the Eurozone a simple makeover is being proposed for the existing official Vatican state car following a standard exorcism [bed bugs!], annual performance check and a new coat of paint.

"They offered to scrap the 'Papa-666' licence plate for a personalized one," Senora Bergoglio commented, "but I say the car is still hexed."

Talks will continue throughout the weekend with observers noting the new Mrs Pope wields a lot more clout than the outgoing Vatican First Lady Mrs Ratzinger.

A spokesperson for General Motors, suppliers of the White House's fleet of armored, bomb-proof executive limousines, said today a blingy new off-the-shelf Pope Carrier retails from around $500,000 'and runs on recycled emissions' [don't ask!].

The Archbishop of C*nterbury is 102.

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