Written by Jaggedone
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Thursday, 14 March 2013

image for Dutch couple commit suicide after provider cuts off their internet!
No cyber suicides in them days!

Venlo, Holland: It was just too much for a double Dutch couple who had their internet service cut off by their provider. They managed to survive 10 days without E mails, Internet and drank 5 bottles of Dutch Jenever a day plus several crates of Heineken, but enough was enough!

The ISP promised to restore the line, but could not exterminate the mice who had gnawed through the glass fibre cables in time. Another excuse was that a Tsunami had sunk their central terminal and it would take at least a boy with his finger stuck in the dyke to restore service.

After 10 days of desperation and no pornos, the pair decided to do what South Park characters did once when their internet died; emigrate and search for other internet locations. Unfortunately, they could not book any Ryanair flights because they were off-line and their suitcases were too heavy filled with laptops!

Their lifeless bodies were found laying over a crushed laptop after swallowing several hundred sleeping tablets. It seems in a last desperate attempt to get on-line before kicking the bucket, they tripped over a loose glass fibre cable that had curiously removed itself from the end of a USB stick that happened to be plugged into the TV!

The provider has apologised about their delayed response to a desperate cry for help and have promised in the future to respond more rapidly with an E Mail service for off-line, suicide endangered customers who lose their cables; Gottverdommen!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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