Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 13 March 2013

image for New Pope will get our Falkland Islands back says Argie President
Argentina's President Kirchner out celebrating tonight

Buenos Aires - "Ha ha, take that you feckless, lying, land-grab Brits," President Cristina Kirchner chuckled tonight, "with his awesome supernatural powers the new Argentine Pope will win back the Malvinas for us."

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, a Buenos Aires-born Italian whose family fled Europe during the rise of the Nazis, will take the name of Pope Francis I.

He was the leading also-ran contender in the 2005 conclave that elected Joseph Ratzinger, a distant cousin vice - er...thrice! - removed, to St Peter's Throne.

The 77 year-old Jesuit, a veteran of Argentina's Dirty War, is no stranger to controversy and was accused of criminal conspiracy with the country's junta over the 1976 kidnap of two Jesuit priests.

No charges were ever formally pressed against him despite an April 2005 human rights lawyer's complaint 'that he'd been in it up to his neck' along with former Argentine despot General Galtieri.

However US big oil sources have identified Bergoglio as one of the principal movers in the Jesuits' war to wrest $18 billion from super major Chevron in the ongoing Ecuador fraud/embezzlement saga.

His coronation at St Peter's Basilica later this week will see Mrs Kirchner fly to Rome for an early quickie personal audience on the next Malvinas move.

The UK-owned islands have just voted overwhelmingly to remain British in a referendum slagged off by Kirchner as 'parody of justice'.

A pint of Buenos Aires Winter Warmer remains an attractive $5 per shot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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