Written by Jean Le Fete
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Sunday, 10 March 2013

image for Cardinals Announce New Pope Must Be Able to Sing and Dance
Nuns awaiting word on the new Pope

Vatican- Today in Rome Cardinals in the conclave debated what the new Pope must be able to do. Quite surprisingly there seemed to be a spirit to include some very new kinds of skills:

  • Dancing
  • Singing
  • Lead guitar
  • Tamborine
  • Gangnam Style

The problem is this criteria has left the Cardinals with only one choice for Pope. He is Fernando Valenzuela Pistachio from Venezuela, who is said to have given Mass personally to recently deceased President Chavez. The Cardinals are split over the choice and several in the group are threatening to walk out.

"It isn't that we are against Gangnam Style, if it helps to attract people back to the church, it may be worth it," said one Cardinal on condition anonymity," but Fernando, why Fernando?! He is crazy about the women. I'm not saying he has been with them, but they love him. All the time they are sending him flowers and...inappropriate items like their undergarments and bras!"

When asked if he was complaining about Fernando being heterosexual, the Cardinal said, "Oh! Of course not! But imagine the temptation! And I've heard he has even been known to appear in remakes of those awful Monty Python skits about the Spanish Inquisition!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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